IT HARDLY MATTERS
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Friday, June 28, 2002
( 07:17 PM )
Wanna know what rocks? Kelly Osbourne's version of "Papa Don't Preach." That's what.
Yeah.
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
( 09:42 AM )
Monday, June 24, 2002
( 11:11 PM )
Jason: One time I put a toothpick in my ear.
Melissa: Don't you mean a Q-Tip?
Jason: No. A toothpick...
Melissa: How far in did it go?
Jason: ...then it broke off.
Melissa: Did you have to go to the hospital?
Jason: No. I didn't tell anyone until now.
- Home Movies
( 10:47 PM )
Wanting to hear an old song I don't have on CD, I dug up an old mixed tape I made a few years ago.
IF I'M A WORLD AWAY
SIDE A
Sarah McLachlan, Elsewhere
Frogpond, Empty Room
Counting Crows, Sullivan St.
Red Hot Chili Peppers, Scar Tissue
Jay Farrar & Kelly Willis, Rex's Blues
U2, Mothers of the Disappeared
Flaming Lips, Felt Good To Burn
Natalie Merchant, My Skin
Ben Folds Five, Evaporated
Jimmy Eat World, New Religion
Emmylou Harris, Goodbye
Get Up Kids, Valentine
SIDE B
Red House Painters, Untitled
Afghan Whigs, Slide Song
Radiohead, Lucky
Pavement, Major Leagues
Sparklehorse, Gasoline Horseys
Smashing Pumpkins, Galapagos
Spinanes, Watch Down
Wilco, Someone Else's Song
Yo La Tengo, Blue Line Swinger
Patty Griffin, Not Alone
REM, Find the River
Beck, It's All In Your Mind
Whiskeytown, Waiting To Derail
Texas Is the Reason, A Jack With One Eye
Saturday, June 22, 2002
( 01:11 AM )
You only dissapoint the ones who don't believe.
- The Get Up Kids
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
( 09:07 PM )
Veterinarian: No, there's no cure for rabies as of yet. What we do here, is we have to put the cat to sleep.
Mrs. Peabody: Oh no!
Veterinarian: Yeah.
Mr. Peabody: Put to sleep for how long?
Veterinarian: Um...
Mrs. Peabody: You're going to kill Alexandre?
Veterinarian: Well, we don't like to call it "kill." With kids we call it "making cotton candy."
- Home Movies
( 12:14 AM )
Monday, June 17, 2002
( 09:38 PM )
daktaris: my dad gave me his LCD video projector
DocPenfold: no way
daktaris: way
daktaris: now i need a wall
daktaris: with nothing on it
daktaris: and 20 feet of unobstructed space
DocPenfold: you should rent a warehouse
daktaris: dood, i can do video performance art
DocPenfold: that's what i was thinking!
daktaris: i can change the world
Sunday, June 16, 2002
( 02:49 AM )
Excerpts from the ride home from Jo's party, all taking place within three minutes:
Audrey: The fat-ass??
Us: [collectively wincing] ooooooh!
Audrey: Hey, if YOU'RE not gonna say it, you're gonna have to deal with ME saying it!
Droo: [mockingly] If you're not gonna say it, you're gonna have to act it out in pantomime!
-----
[ Droo rolls up the window. ]
Droo: There. Now no one can hear you scream.
Me: 'Cause we're in space??
-----
[ Car stops at red light and Droo forwards the CD to "Adia" by Sarah McLachlan. ]
Me: "There's no one left to finger!"
Droo: [snoring sounds]
-----
Droo: "Adia" backwards is "Aieeeda"!
Audrey: "Miami" backwards is "I maim"!
Us: [impressed] ooooh!
[ Audrey and the Ess-Dog converse in the backseat. ]
Droo: ...And "Florida" backwards is "Adirolf"...
Saturday, June 15, 2002
( 05:22 PM )
"Techno Man"
(kinda by New Waver, mostly by Billy Joel)
It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
Regular crowd shuffles in
There's a young man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin
He says DJ, play me a memory
The name's a little uncertain
But it's sad and it's sweet with a pulsating beat
And it helps my drugs to start working
Play us a song, you're the techno man
Play us a song tonight
Cos we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling all right
Now John on the footpath's a friend of mine
He brings me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or a light-up-your-smoke
But there's some place he'd rather be
He says "Arthur I think this is killing me"
As the bouncer says no to his face
"But I'm sure that I could have a social life
If I could get into this place"
Now Nathan's an unpublished novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking to Layla, who's still a new waver
And probably will be for life
And the students are practicing politics
As the bank clerks slowly get stoned
Yes we're sharing a drink we call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone
Play us a song, you're the techno man
Play us a song tonight
Cos we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling all right
It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
Cos he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
And the dance floor sounds like a carnival
And our overcoats smell like a beer
And we sit at the bar, wondering who's got a car
And where will we go after here
Play us a song, you're the techno man
Play us a song tonight
Cos we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling all right
( 12:37 AM )
It's hard to believe just how nice it is outside right now.
Thursday, June 13, 2002
( 04:48 PM )
I'm really hot from re-arranging the office. The air conditioner that seemed to be too cold and dry this morning at 10 doesn't seem to be making a difference right now. Maybe it's the setting sun that's pounding against the two giant windows here. I've been forced to hold my water bottle up to my face to keep cool, the way Megan holds a cup in a picture I have of her, or the way Brad Pitt holds his drink during the bar scene in Ocean's Eleven.
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
( 10:41 PM )
Coach McGuirk: Punch low. Always punch low.
Brendan: Okay.
Coach McGuirk: That means below the waist. Get him in the legs or the crotch. Do stuff like that.
Brendan: Do you think that's, uh, dirty fighting?
Coach McGuirk: Yes. Yes, I do. But there's nothing wrong with dirty fighting.
Brendan: Really?
Coach McGuirk: That's right.
Brendan: mhmm.
Coach McGuirk: You know why? 'Cause fighting is wrong. Right?
Brendan: Um, yeah.
Coach McGuirk: So if you're gonna fight, you're already wrong.
Brendan: Okay.
Coach McGuirk: Sooo if you're gonna fight, you might as well dirty fight. 'Cause you're already there. You're already at the party.
Brendan: Right.
Coach McGuirk: I was in a fight last week.
Brendan: Really? How'd it go?
Coach McGuirk: I won.
Brendan: Really?
Coach McGuirk: Yeah.
Brendan: Who'd you fight?
Coach McGuirk: That kid David.
Brendan: The...the forward?
Coach McGuirk: Yeah. He cannot fight.
Brendan: But he's got a big mouth, coach.
Coach McGuirk: Well, not anymore he doesn't.
- Home Movies
( 09:37 PM )
There has never been a time when I didn't want to be your boyfriend
There has never been a time when I didn't want to know your name
Free falling from a work in progress
Free falling from a life on hold
There has never been a time when I didn't want you
Yes my good lover is my one good thing these days
You help me keep it all from slipping away
I swear I'm gonna marry you someday
My girlfriend is like magic in my hand
When I lose my sparkle, she's the only one that understands
I know I'm gonna marry you someday
- Everclear
Thursday, June 6, 2002
( 11:16 PM )
ThatMegginGirl: know what's not easy?
DocPenfold: what's that?
ThatMegginGirl: trying to take a picture of the back of your head
Wednesday, June 5, 2002
( 05:31 PM )
My life as a South Park character.
And backdafuckup, it's the Ess-Dog:
( 01:18 PM )
"...I feel like people in their early 20's are feeling ripped off… that their pop culture is really easy to figure out. There's no substance at all."
- Walter Schreifels
( 12:09 PM )
From The Onion:
White Person Waved Past Beeping Walgreens Security Barrier
CHICAGO— Caucasian shopper Bryce Glynn, 34, was waved through a beeping Walgreens security barrier Tuesday after the store's alarm system was activated by a CD purchased at a nearby Sam Goody. "Go ahead," said cashier Maria Ordonez with a casual waving motion. "You're fine." As Glynn volunteered to open his shopping bag to show its contents, the security guard at the store's entrance declined the offer, insisting that he exit unchecked.
( 12:06 AM )
Tuesday, June 4, 2002
( 11:30 PM )
"My grandma saw an ad for Glitter and thought it was a bra commerical."
- Droo
( 12:13 AM )
Did you know that I've been a member of the Green Party for six and a half years?
Sunday, June 2, 2002
( 12:49 AM )
Jeff: [Pokes at IT HARDLY MATTERS with stick to see if it's still alive.]
It Hardly Matters: Hey! What the fuck? I was sleeping. Peacefully, I might add. Jerkface.