The first..


Dear M,

I’m not sure if you’ll ever read any of this but I have to get my thoughts down somewhere so this will have to do. I hate being on the computer so much but what else do I have left here? Not much really, from the looks of it.

I absolutely hate every aspect of my life now. There’s nothing for me here anymore. All the time spent at a job that’s just about killed me, physically and emotionally, was for us. To make us a good life where’d we be together, do things, go places. I failed at that, obviously. I got hurt and withdrew to a place that didn’t give me any peace. None of it ever made me happier than you did. I was simply hiding and waiting. Waiting for you to come to me and tell me that I was good enough and that you loved me anyway, even though I wasn’t exactly everything that you needed me to be. You never did. So I kept waiting. And I waited, and waited, and waited, until I didn’t know what to do to anymore except that. Then you moved on, while I sat here in this stupid chair, doing things that didn’t much matter, when all the while I was just wasting time that I wanted to spend with you.

Tonight I wanted to take a sledgehammer to this computer. With it, I found my greatest happiness, but then, with it, I lost it all.

Love always, S


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